Solitare Christmas

Christmas 2010 will be one I will remember forever.  Will it be because of that someone special I share it with?  Nah, it will not.  It will be because I go to sleep alone on Christmas Eve. night and wake up alone on Christmas morning.  I have no children waking up in my home... I have no gifts under the tree.  This transitional phase of my life will surely be one to scar me for life and make a great "One Time" story.
The thing is.. there are several of my friends who will be doing the same thing.. being alone, for whatever reason...mainly divorce.  Perhaps we should all grab our pillows and blankets and adult beverages and choose one house in which to crash for the night.  Wouldn't that be better than being alone?  But then again, what would we do?? Sit around and rag on the very people , the ex's, who have our children and have made us be alone in the first place?  Not my idea of a good time.  Been there done that, without it being Christmas morning of course.
I think instead what I will do is enjoy a cup of coffee with Baileys in front of the twinkling tree, perhaps shed a tear or two (or more).. and reflect on my life....and Christmas's past.  I will then go to bed, setting my alarm for around 8.  I will get up and have a cup of red tea in front of the fireplace and open one gift which I will have wrapped for myself and put under the tree.  I will give our dog her bone, and wait til the kids come home from their dads house.
Then again I may just go get drunk, come home and crash on the couch with my clothes on...and sleep until the kids get here on Christmas day.
The really cool thing is something I almost overlooked.....whatever I decide to do, I can do.  It is just me to make the choice, not having any effect on anyone else.  That is a wonderful gift in itself.

Dirty deeds

There was a day that I thought I would be fine "thinking like a man".   There was a day when I thought I could just "hit it and quit it", without getting emotionally attached.  Now I am not so sure.  Don't get me wrong there was a few times in my life that was true and certainly possible.  Now it is a different story, maybe.  

Us ladies are just wired differently.  Our evolutionary background suggests that the deck is stacked against us. When girl meets boy (and girl likes boy), the brain releases a chemical love cocktail: Dopamine produces feelings of bliss, norepinephrine makes the heart race, and we are driven to want sex. Then, during sex, the brain triggers the release of oxytocin — the warm fuzzy of the hormone world — which leaves us wanting to bond with the person we've just done the horizontal mambo with.   That being said....it appears to be a very scientific reason females want more after the dirty deed is done.  

My heart is in New York.  My body is here.  While I thought I had the answers to how to make this work, I must admit, I have no freaking clue.  I only know that I do want it to work.  I do believe we will be together again, hopefully sooner than later.

For now, it isn't worth the risk of that need for emotional attachment after casual sex.  I will not take a chance on lessening this wonderful feeling I have inside my heart... all to satisfy physical urges.

For now, I guess I should stay stocked up on batteries.....and fly solo.